Let me finally admit it. I have an extreme personality. I am either all in or I am all out. When I am interested in pursuing something, I simply cannot get enough if it until I am immersed in it completely. And when I am not interested in something, I totally neglect it and tune it out. I am a woman of extremes. Some may call it intense, fickle, compulsive, neurotic or impractical. There is also another word for this behaviour – obsessive.
I am the kind of a girl who did live music gigs almost 5 days a week the whole of last year and absolutely quit singing this year. Or the girl who was head over heels over a guy for months and one fine day just refused to see him anymore or even stay in touch because she thought she was out of love (whoops that was me). Or the girl who wouldn’t speak to her family for months and then decide to go on a month long holiday with them where she could spend all day and all night talking to them about everything she missed talking about. Or the girl who would dress up either like a hippie or like a plain jane. There is nothing in between.
I know that living in extremes means that I have drastic mood swings. In the past, I have shown insane behaviour like I did suddenly put down my papers because of a mild frustration in a meeting and that’s when I started my first blog because I wanted a career change. Although, the blog didn’t really take off as I thought but I did entertain my own moody tunes. There have been times when I have wanted to end a friendship just because I didn’t get a party invite.
Having an extreme personality is both a good and bad influence to your life. Living in the extremes totally fills my heart with excitement and has led to many great achievements I have had in my career or personal life so far. It has helped me get rid of negativity from my life. But sometimes it’s not the most practical way to be. This kind of personality comes with imbalanced extremes of emotions- hopelessness and desperation, insecurity and lots of negative anxiety. It can be ruthless if you do not watch yourself.
I have never been able to choose in between: “Follow your heart and not your mind” and “Follow your mind and not your heart.” To me, it feels almost impossible to have a bit of both.
And if you are someone like me and if this kind of personality type really bothers you, I think you have to get a little easy on yourself. Sometimes you can’t afford to get upset on people who don’t understand you and take decisions outside of your perceived extremes. You have to slowly begin to understand how it feels to have a balanced view of the world. I know it might feel like adopting a totally new culture or a language. Take a step back and go easy on yourself. Have a good laugh about it and embrace a small change in your your extreme personality type.
It’s alright to be living in the extremes. There I said it. I call it being passionate and enthusiastic. May be it isn’t the most practical way to be but it does pump adrenaline into your veins to madly fall in love with just anything that excites you even a little bit. It’s called being crazy and it’s okay!
T-Shirt: Only India
Photography: Salih Halfawe